#SonOfAPitch Team Leia: SYMPHONY NO. 1

Title: SYMPHONY NO. 1

Category & Genre: A, WF/LF

Word Count: 94,000

The-Star-Wars-Orchestra

 Query:

Daisy, a young violist auditioning for professional symphony orchestras, is caught in a feud between two conductors vying for the same position with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. There’s Christopher, who can help her career, and Guy, who can both ruin her career and endanger Christopher’s life. 

 Maestro Christopher Baldwin has confided in Daisy that someone is sabotaging him and his upcoming audition. As the attacks keep escalating, Daisy offers to help him find out who is behind it. A notorious ladies man, he wants more than her help. To complicate matters, she meets Mark, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune and a classical musician’s polar opposite. Mark shows Daisy that there can be life outside of the practice room and off the concert stage, if she will only give him a chance, while Christopher pushes her to strive higher and higher. 

Daisy has spent her entire life immersed in music and is struggling to discover if she can win auditions while daring to stop and smell the roses along the path to career success.

 This novel is written in symphonic form: four movements having individual tempo markings, which help set the tone for each section. The stereotypes of the instruments are used as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) to create a comedic and realistic look at what happens backstage, during rehearsals and behind the scenes of a professional classical musician’s life.

 First 250 words:

The bulky viola case thumped hard against Daisy’s leg as she ran north up Michigan Avenue towards Orchestra Hall. “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!” she panted as she balanced her purse across her chest, messenger style, and shifted her case to the other hand for a better grip. “Why, why, why didn’t I leave enough time? Why do I do this to myself?” Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal.  She was never officially late to rehearsal, she always managed to get there with about seven minutes to downbeat. But that was still considered late in the world of classical orchestras. That was only just enough time to heave your case open, grab your instrument and your music, rosin up your bow and jump into your seat, sweaty and disheveled. Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.  

 She fished her phone out of her pocket to check the time while she continued running. Daisy, like most string players, didn’t wear a watch because it got in the way of her playing. Anytime she wore a watch, she’d just have to take it off any time she had her viola out. That meant putting her watch down on the stand, on the floor next to her stand, in her purse, in her case and after losing more watches than she could count, she gave up, officially. Orchestra Hall was still two blocks away, but her phone showed 6:40PM. She had just enough time to get there for the 7:00PM downbeat. 

15 thoughts on “#SonOfAPitch Team Leia: SYMPHONY NO. 1”

  1. I love this idea. I’m a semi-professional musician, and I’m guessing from context (and how little non-musicians seem to understand the musical world, in general, eek!) that you are at least semi-professional. I’m assuming you mention this in the bio portion of your query. If not, you should. It adds a sort of “own voices” interest.

    This is a pretty good query. It has too many names mentioned, though. I’d cut out “There’s Christopher, who can help her career, and Guy, who can both ruin her career and endanger Christopher’s life. ” This concept doesn’t come much into play later in the query, and you can show it in the pages.

    As for the next line of the query, instead of saying his name, I’d say he’s a conductor, then mention more of his relationship with your MC. How can he help her career? Give us a hint about this.

    The 250 have good interest, but you can cut some of it, since it’s repetitive. We understand from context that she’s running late, and that she hates it. So you can cut “Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal.  ” and “Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.”

    You can also consider cutting out the stuff about the watch. You’ve already set the scene and introduced enough, and for the opening pages, that’s all you want to do before you start in on action/character interaction.

    Good entry!

    1. Thank you so much! Yes, I’m a professional orchestral musician 🙂 I thought we were instructed leave our bios out of these queries so I did not include. Wonderful and extremely helpful (and now face-palmingly obvious) feedback. I so appreciate it, thank you.

      1. Yes, you were supposed to leave out your bio 🙂 I was just hoping you DID mention it in your bio. That’s so cool-you’re a woman of great talent, writer and musician!

  2. All comments are my opinion. Please take what helps and ignore the rest.

    Daisy, a young violist auditioning for professional symphony orchestras, is caught in a feud between two conductors vying for the same position with the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. There’s Christopher, who can help her career, and Guy, who can both ruin her career and endanger Christopher’s life.
    (After reading the rest, this opener doesn’t make sense, because it isn’t mentioned at all later.)

    Maestro Christopher Baldwin has confided in Daisy that someone is sabotaging him and his upcoming audition. As the attacks keep escalating, Daisy offers to help him find out who is behind it. A notorious ladies man, he wants more than her help. To complicate matters, she meets Mark, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune and a classical musician’s polar opposite. Mark shows Daisy that there can be life outside of the practice room and off the concert stage, if she will only give him a chance, while Christopher pushes her to strive higher and higher.

    Daisy has spent her entire life immersed in music and is struggling to discover if she can win auditions while daring to stop and smell the roses along the path to career success.
    (Okay! I think this must be the main story!)

    This novel is written in symphonic form: four movements having individual tempo markings, which help set the tone for each section. The stereotypes of the instruments are used as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) to create a comedic and realistic look at what happens backstage, during rehearsals and behind the scenes of a professional classical musician’s life.

    (This is fascinating, but does it belong in the query? There is too much info in this query. You start off tell me the story is about being caught between two conductors, then I think it’s about her helping Christopher discover who’s after him, then it’s about a relationship with Mark. What is the main story? Stick to that for the query and leave out the sub-plots. The stakes. What is the moment where Daisy has to make a decision? And what might happen? As a former violin player, this is really cool!)

    First 250 words:

    The bulky viola case thumped hard against Daisy’s leg as she ran north up Michigan Avenue towards Orchestra Hall. “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!” she panted as she balanced her purse across her chest, messenger style, and shifted her case to the other hand for a better grip. “Why, why, why didn’t I leave enough time? Why do I do this to myself?” Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal. (Don’t think you need that sentence.) She was never officially late to rehearsal, (You might be able to cut the beginning of this sentence) she always managed to get there with about seven minutes to downbeat. But that was still considered late in the world of classical orchestras. That was only just enough time to heave your case open, grab your instrument and your music, rosin up your bow and jump into your seat, sweaty and disheveled. Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.
    (A lot of repetition of being late. I also want to see what she is rushing past, bumping into people, and also a hint at what she wants for her life. How is she working to that? What is she worried about? And I love when she says, “Frick, frick, frick…” Made me laugh.)

    She fished her phone out of her pocket to check the time while she continued running. Daisy, like most string players, didn’t wear a watch because it got in the way of her playing. Anytime she wore a watch, she’d just have to take it off any time she had her viola out. That meant putting her watch down on the stand, on the floor next to her stand, in her purse, in her case and after losing more watches than she could count, she gave up, officially. Orchestra Hall was still two blocks away, but her phone showed 6:40PM. She had just enough time to get there for the 7:00PM downbeat.
    (A lot about a watch and time…give me a hint at her hopes and dreams. I know she plays the viola and is always late…but what else? Any sounds and smells, any sights? Ground me in a place as well as in her head. But the case bumping into your leg and rosining your bow, really bring back my memories! So cool! And yes to WF…but LF?)

    1. Thank you so much for your feedback! I want to go back right now and make adjustments. I really appreciate your comments about the subplots within the query- it makes so much sense and I will definitely implement your advice! So happy as a violinist that you liked those little details 🙂

  3. UPDATED SUBMISSION:

    QUERY:
    Daisy’s conductor has offered to help her with her upcoming viola auditions, a huge score since he also sits on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s audition committee and can help her win a spot. A notorious ladies man, it seems he is interested in more than just listening to her play. He confides in Daisy that someone is sabotaging his efforts to become the assistant Maestro for the CSO. As the attacks keep escalating, Daisy offers to help him find out who is behind it.

    Daisy gets distracted from her practicing when she meets Mark, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune. Mark shows Daisy that there is a whole world outside of the concert hall. Does she have to choose between career success and personal happiness? Daisy struggles to discover if she can still win auditions while daring to step outside her practice room and just have fun.

    This novel is written in symphonic form: four movements having individual tempo markings, which help set the tone for each section. The stereotypes of the instruments are used as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) for a comedic and realistic look at what happens behind the scenes of a professional classical musician’s life.

    I see this novel as the start of a literary symphonic series, following Daisy and her musical friends as they go from festival to festival, free-lancing sub to full-time orchestra member; surviving bad conductors, greedy donors, inept management and the unexpected discovery of the world of jazz.

    FIRST 250 WORDS:

    The bulky viola case thumped hard against Daisy’s leg as she ran north up Michigan Avenue towards Orchestra Hall. “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!” she panted as she rearranged her purse across her chest, messenger style. She shifted her case to the other hand for a better grip, getting tangled up in her purse straps as she did so.

    Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal. She always managed to get there with about seven minutes to downbeat, but that left only enough time to heave your case open, grab your instrument and your music, rosin up your bow and jump into your seat, sweaty and disheveled. Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.

    “Good Lord, look at you!” Daisy heard Gabe’s familiar laugh behind her and turned to see a huge grin on his face as he walked up, his own viola case strapped on his back.

    “So, seven days,” said Gabe. “That’s how long it took till you’re doing another mad dash into rehearsal?”

    “Mmm hmmm, and how’s your New Year’s resolution going for you?” she asked, nodding at the Corner Bakery bag he had clutched in his hand.

    “It doesn’t even matter that I’m inhaling this sugar, it’s not like it’s staying in me. I have the Strauss Shits,” he deadpanned.

    Today they had string sectionals and they were playing Richard Strauss’ Don Juan, which is fast, furious and has about a million notes.

  4. Query: I think your second one is much stronger. I tinkered a bit with the words to tighten. Hope the musings offer help – if not, simply ignore. 🙂 Best of luck.

    As twenty-ish? Daisy preps for a violist audition, her conductor Christopher offers his help. His seat on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s audition committee can help her win a spot, but as a notorious ladies man, he seems interested in more than just listening to her play. He confides in Daisy that someone is sabotaging his efforts to become the assistant Maestro for the CSO. As the attacks escalate, Daisy offers to help him find out who the culprit is.
    But when Daisy meets Mark, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune, she gets distracted from her practicing (and helping Christopher?). Mark shows Daisy a whole world outside of the concert hall.

    With an audition looming? And love on the line? Will Daisy have to choose between career success and personal happiness? Daisy struggles to discover if she can still win auditions while daring to step outside her practice room and just have fun. Is there any conflict here with Christopher?? She focuses on Mark and shuns Chris, can she still secure the spot? (how much will she lose in an attempt to have it all? Amp up the ending ☺

    First 250:
    Your updated 250 read very well. To me, your first 250 were heavy with words, but the pacing here is great and you do a nice job revealing Daisy’s personality.

    Great work!

    All suggestions/opinions/thoughts are humbly offered. Thank you for sharing your words!

    1. Thank you, Elise!

      I also feel the second is much improved, thanks to all this wonderful feedback! I incorporated your advice and reworked the query. I will post it below in full. Thank you so much for your insight and recommendations, I so appreciate it!

  5. UPDATED SUBMISSION #2:

    QUERY:
    As twenty-six year old Daisy preps for her orchestra auditions, her conductor Christopher offers his help. His seat on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s audition committee can help her win a spot, but as a notorious ladies man, he seems interested in more than just listening to her play. He confides in Daisy that someone is sabotaging his efforts to become the assistant Maestro for the CSO. As the attacks escalate, Daisy offers to help him find out who the culprit is. Her discovery puts her own auditions in peril.

    But when Daisy meets Mark, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune, she gets distracted from her practicing…and Christopher. Mark shows Daisy a whole world outside of the concert hall.

    With her auditions looming, will Daisy have to choose between career success and personal happiness? Daisy struggles to discover if she can still win auditions while daring to step outside her practice room and just have fun. Christopher tells her it’s a mistake to take her eyes off the prize (and him) even for a second, as the competition on the audition circuit is so fierce. With her anxiety and stress mounting, Daisy feels herself crumbling under the pressure. How can she win her auditions, help Christopher and still explore this new life Mark has presented to her? How much will she lose in her attempt to have it all?

    This novel is written in symphonic form: four movements having individual tempo markings, which help set the tone for each section. The stereotypes of the instruments are used as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) for a comedic and realistic look at what happens behind the scenes of a professional classical musician’s life.

    I see this novel as the start of a literary symphonic series, following Daisy and her musical friends as they go from festival to festival, free-lancing sub to full-time orchestra member; surviving bad conductors, greedy donors, inept management and the unexpected discovery of the world of jazz.

    FIRST 250 WORDS:

    The bulky viola case thumped hard against Daisy’s leg as she ran north up Michigan Avenue towards Orchestra Hall. “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!” she panted as she rearranged her purse across her chest, messenger style. She shifted her case to the other hand for a better grip, getting tangled up in her purse straps as she did so.

    Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal. She always managed to get there with about seven minutes to downbeat, but that left only enough time to heave your case open, grab your instrument and your music, rosin up your bow and jump into your seat, sweaty and disheveled. Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.

    “Good Lord, look at you!” Daisy heard Gabe’s familiar laugh behind her and turned to see a huge grin on his face as he walked up, his own viola case strapped on his back.

    “So, seven days,” said Gabe. “That’s how long it took till you’re doing another mad dash into rehearsal?”

    “Mmm hmmm, and how’s your New Year’s resolution going for you?” she asked, nodding at the Corner Bakery bag he had clutched in his hand.

    “It doesn’t even matter that I’m inhaling this sugar, it’s not like it’s staying in me. I have the Strauss Shits,” he deadpanned.

    Today they had string sectionals and they were playing Richard Strauss’ Don Juan, which is fast, furious and has about a million notes.

    1. Thoughts and revision:

      1. As twenty-six year old Daisy preps for her orchestra auditions, her conductor Christopher offers his help. His seat on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s audition committee can help her win a spot, but as a notorious ladies man, he seems interested in more than just listening to her play.
      [I’d put a new paragraph here, and start with his name. Christopher] He confides in Daisy that someone is sabotaging his efforts to become the assistant Maestro for the CSO. As the attacks escalate, Daisy offers to help him find out who the culprit is [I’d give a hint here as to why, since it sounds like a complicated relationship. Is she hoping to help her own career? Has she started to care about him? Or is she just concerned for his welfare?]. Her discovery puts her own auditions in peril [This is a little vague. You may want to say something like, “What she discovers could put her career in peril].
      But [I’d take out the “but”, and give a hint of how she met him, because this development interrupts the flow of the query so far and makes it seem like there’s a lot going on. I’d find some way to tie this idea in with the flow of the narrative, like, “Her investigations bring her into contact with Mark…” Also, does he help her with her investigations? I’d find a way to tie this in more securely with the rest of the plot, so it doesn’t seem disjointed.] when Daisy meets Mark, a sportswriter for the Chicago Tribune, she gets distracted from her practicing…and Christopher. Mark shows Daisy a whole world outside of the concert hall.
      With her auditions looming, will Daisy have to choose between career success and personal happiness? Daisy struggles to discover if she can still win auditions while daring to step outside her practice room and just have fun. Christopher tells her it’s a mistake to take her eyes off the prize (and him) even for a second, as the competition on the audition circuit is so fierce. With her anxiety and stress mounting, Daisy feels herself crumbling under the pressure. How can she win her auditions, help Christopher and still explore this new life Mark has presented to her? How much will she lose in her attempt to have it all?
      [This is a lovely and complex concept.]
      This novel is written in symphonic form: four movements having individual tempo markings, which help set the tone for each section. The stereotypes of the instruments are used as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) for a comedic and realistic look at what happens behind the scenes of a professional classical musician’s life. [This adds a lot of interest, because of how different and creative it is.]
      I see this novel as the start of a literary symphonic series, following Daisy and her musical friends as they go from festival to festival, free-lancing sub to full-time orchestra member; surviving bad conductors, greedy donors, inept management and the unexpected discovery of the world of jazz. [You’ll get differing opinions on whether it’s good to say this. It’s an interesting idea for a series, but it might be something you’d leave for a discussion with an agent when you get an offer. Agents can sometimes get overwhelmed thinking about a series when they haven’t sold the first book. To be safe, I’d just put “This is a stand-alone book with series potential.”]
      FIRST 250 WORDS:
      The bulky viola case thumped hard against Daisy’s leg as she ran north up Michigan Avenue towards [toward] Orchestra Hall. “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!” she panted as she rearranged her purse across her chest, messenger style. She shifted her case to the other hand for a better grip, getting tangled up in her purse straps as she did so.
      Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal. She always managed to get there with about seven minutes to downbeat, but that left only enough time to heave your case open, grab your instrument and your music, rosin up your bow and jump into your seat, sweaty and disheveled. Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.
      “Good Lord, look at you!” Daisy heard Gabe’s familiar laugh behind her and turned to see a huge grin on his face as he walked up, his own viola case strapped on his back.
      “So, seven days,” said Gabe. “That’s how long it took till you’re doing another mad dash into rehearsal?”
      “Mmm hmmm, and how’s your New Year’s resolution going for you?” she asked, nodding at the Corner Bakery bag he had clutched in his hand.
      “It doesn’t even matter that I’m inhaling this sugar, it’s not like it’s staying in me. I have the Strauss Shits,” he deadpanned.
      Today they had string sectionals and they were playing Richard Strauss’ Don Juan, which is fast, furious and has about a million notes. [This is a great, great opening to your book. Great voice, good intro to your world.]

      1. Thank you for your very valuable input! Every bit of advice I’m receiving makes so much sense and helps me see my query and intro with new eyes–I am so grateful. I will rework and post my third revision below. Thanks again! Lynn

  6. YOUR QUERY

    I would suggest tweaking the first sentence to up the stakes.

    When Daisy, a young violist auditioning for professional symphony orchestras, gets inadvertently caught in a feud between two conductors vying for the same position, her life changes.

    I’m also confused about how she gets caught Christopher and Guy. They sound like total opposites, and Guy doesn’t sound like a decent guy, so why does it feel like she has to make a choice between them in that first paragraph, but he’s not mentioned again in the rest of the query?

    I would avoid telling us who he is to retain some of the mystery promised in the second paragraph. By the time you get to that point, you’ve already given it, so it falls flat. Instead, focus on Christopher and Mark and her relationships with them because that’s where it seems like the real story is at. Let Guy be the unnamed villain.

    “The stereotypes of the instruments are used as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) to create a comedic and realistic look at what happens backstage…”

    I would, personally go with “act as personality traits…” for flow.

    YOUR FIRST 250

    Great start! I would rearrange to unbury some of the dialogue and cut out the repetition of “Why, why, why” since you already have the repetitive “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!”

    I would also cut the sentence about her running late again, because you’ve already made that apparent, and go straight into something like, “She was never officially (emphasis on officially) late to rehearsal, alway managing to arrive seven minutes to downbeat, but in the world of classical orchestras, that was close enough.

    And then continue with the bit about her New Year’s resolution, perhaps in dialogue form to help break up the long paragraph.

    “Great start to your New Year’s resolution,” she muttered to herself, dodging an oblivious businessman who stepped into her path. “It’s only January 7th!”

    She fished her phone out of her pocket to check the time while she continued running. Daisy, like most string players, didn’t wear a watch because it got in the way of her playing. Anytime she wore a watch, she’d just have to take it off any time she had her viola out. That meant putting her watch down on the stand, on the floor next to her stand, in her purse, in her case and after losing more watches than she could count, she gave up, officially.

    Given that a lot of people stopped wearing watches with the advent of smartphones, this section doesn’t really add anything to the story. I would cut everything except the first sentence and then continue on with the story.

    I just read over your newest version of the first 250 and think it flows much better! I would still recommend cutting out most of the paragraph about her being late. With the new rewrites, you can also disregard my suggestion about adding the Resolution thing and do away with that part completely because you mention it in the dialogue between her and Gabe. It’s not really needed anywhere else.

    I would also suggest finding a way to combine elements of your original and reworked query, as the sabotage seems like a very minor plot point in your second, but a more major plot point in the first. Try to find a happy medium that balances that conflict with her relationship with Mark and you’ll be set. 🙂

    Best of luck!

  7. Hello and thank you to everyone who stopped by to read my submission. I would be forever grateful if you could vote for my query to send me into the next round. I am so excited to get my story in front of agents and publishers to receive more feedback and to work nonstop in order to get my novel published. Please help me achieve this goal! Thank you for your consideration, Lynn

    UPDATED SUBMISSION #3:

    QUERY:

    As twenty-six year old Daisy preps for her orchestra auditions, her conductor Christopher offers his help. His seat on the Chicago Symphony Orchestra’s audition committee can help her win a spot, but as a notorious ladies man, he seems interested in more than just listening to her play.

    Out to dinner with Christopher, he confides in Daisy that someone is sabotaging his efforts to become the assistant Maestro for the CSO. It’s impossible not to have a crush on this charming conductor and Daisy knows he could help her career take off, so she offers to help him find out who the culprit is. What she discovers could put her own auditions in peril.
    On the way out of the restaurant, Daisy literally knocks Chicago sportswriter Mark Kennedy off his bar stool with her bulky viola case. He asks her out, opening up an entirely new world outside of concert halls and distracting her from practicing…and from Christopher, causing Christopher to push her even harder in rehearsals.

    With her auditions looming, will Daisy have to choose between career success and personal happiness? Daisy struggles to discover if she can still win auditions while daring to step outside her practice room and just have fun. With her anxiety and stress mounting, Daisy feels herself crumbling under the pressure.

    Christopher tells her it’s a mistake to take her eyes off the prize (and him) even for a second since the competition on the audition circuit is so fierce, while Mark helps her relax and experience the concept of “just being” while away from her instrument. Can she win her auditions, help Christopher and still explore this new life Mark has presented to her? How much will she lose in her attempt to have it all?

    This novel is written in symphonic form: four movements having individual tempo markings, which help set the tone for each section. The stereotypes of the instruments act as personality traits for the characters in the book (the snotty flutist, the trumpet jock, the nerdy violist) for a comedic and realistic look at what happens behind the scenes of a professional classical musician’s life. This is a stand-alone book with series potential.

    FIRST 250 WORDS:

    The bulky viola case thumped hard against Daisy’s leg as she ran north up Michigan Avenue towards Orchestra Hall. “Frick! Frick frick, frickity frick!” She panted as she rearranged her purse across her chest, messenger style and shifted her case to the other hand for a better grip, getting tangled up in her purse straps as she did so.

    Daisy was running late, again, to rehearsal. She always managed to get there with about seven minutes to downbeat, which left only enough time to heave your case open, grab your instrument and your music, rosin up your bow and jump into your seat, sweaty and disheveled. Daisy hated being late, so her New Year’s resolution was to be thirty minutes early to all her rehearsals. And here it was January 7th. Not a great start.

    “Good Lord, look at you!” Daisy heard Gabe’s familiar laugh behind her and turned to see a huge grin on his face as he walked up, his own viola case strapped on his back.

    “So, seven days,” said Gabe. “That’s how long it took till you’re doing another mad dash into rehearsal?”

    “Mmm hmmm, and how’s your New Year’s resolution going for you?” she asked, nodding at the Corner Bakery bag he had clutched in his hand.
    “It doesn’t even matter that I’m inhaling this sugar, it’s not like it’s staying in me. I have the Strauss Shits,” he deadpanned.

    They had string sectionals today and were playing Richard Strauss’ Don Juan, which is fast, furious and has about a million notes.

  8. I love music, so yay!
    I feel like your query is on the long side though, and you shouldn’t end with a rhetorical question for your stakes. You don’t want your reader answering with “I don’t care” and moving on! Give those stakes a punch!
    Good luck in the querying. This is a great women’s fic piece.

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